The Life . . . As We Know It!

Lucky Dog~!

I couldn't help but share the silly ways in which our dog chooses to relax! Wouldn't it be grand to lay around all day??! Oh well, I guess that I can't say much at the moment seeing as I have been behaving much in the same way this past week! Christmas break is a wonderful thing! I have been doing some thinking about New Year's as well....... I feel that I should make more of an effort to create and follow through with resolutions this year. I have much more to be grateful for and a different reference point as my foundation for the year.

I guess, really, I am as lucky as our Bud-man! I am very fortunate to be working within a Catholic school as well. I didn't realize how settled my beliefs had become, in positive and negative ways. It's so easy to become unaware of the small miracles, the simple blessings . . . I hope that I will never again become so unappreciative of the great things in life that show themselves in the simplest of forms! I've never been one to preach to others about their faith (or lack thereof), so in some ways I find it difficult to "teach" this topic to my students. I love watching and listening to them as they express themselves about God though. This motivates and encourages me to continue on and helps direct me in the ways in which I discuss our faith with them! There's nothing more humbling than the young, innocent hearts and minds of children! One morning one of my girls told me that she had been visited by an angel in her sleep the night before! I asked her what the angel said to her and she responded, "Don't be afraid!" . . . I couldn't help but smile. It made me feel good that she obviously put her whole heart into our discussions! I honestly feel that's what public schools are missing! I love the fact that I can share that with my students! During every school mass, I pray with my whole heart to be provided with the guidance that I need in order to aid my students in their educational and spiritual growth! Here's to a great 2010! I love that I have another week off, but I can also honestly say that I miss my 27 energetic kindergarters! Who would've thought??!!

Traveling Home for Christmas!

Kevin's On His Way (Again)!

Christmas is almost here! I'm glad for the light snow covering the ground and hope that the rain doesn't get rid of it before Christmas morning! I just made a huge pot of chili, corn bread muffins, and chocolate cake to have Christmas Eve! I'm so excited for Christmas this year! Things have been going so well, even with the economy and its ups and downs! I know that we will be able to overcome any potential glitches and will find the new year to be a great one! I'm praying that everyone is safe this Holiday season and that the very best comes to family and friends in 2010!

Christmas is Coming! :-)

For some reason, I am soooooo excited for Christmas this year! Like with the Thanksgiving Holiday, I think much of the reason is because of the 27 kiddos that I see throughout my week! It's hard not to share in their enthusiasm and find humor in their reactions to everything! I find my aide and I looking at each other and trying not to laugh quite a bit throughout the day. I put up all of my Christmas decorations today, well almost all of them! But still, the fact is that my decorations will be up for at least one solid month! I may regret saying this later, but I'm also looking forward to the first snow! (The potential of snow days helps with the future snow fall as well!!!!) It's almost like being a kid again and being back in the good ol' days of childhood! How can that be anything but good?! My financial situation, while not off the charts, has slightly improved and that adds excitement for Christmas shopping as well! Let the season begin!!! :-)

Just some thoughts . . .

All I have to say is that sometimes I really wonder what the heck I'm thinking. I wish I was able to be stronger about certain things in my life. I guess that will ultimately be up to me when I am able and ready to accomplish it. The unknown can be scary sometimes. I think it's that fear which holds me back. I honestly feel that I've never intentionally set out to negatively impact anyone else- yet, it seems that even so, I inadvertently have hurt people that I am thankful for. I hope that these people know that I am blessed because of their presence, whether or not I say it (or act it) enough. The Thanksgiving holiday has hit me differently this year, and I honestly believe that this is due to my 27 kindergarteners. They have such a way of presenting the simplest things and because the meaning of the holiday is being discussed together, it makes me think about the fundamentals again. I'm thankful for the few days off from work, but am even more thankful for the days that I am working and the job that I have!

And there goes another year . . . GLADLY!

I have to say that thinking over this past year, 26 is going to be far better than 25. WOW was 25 hard for me! As I recall back some of the text that I had read in 20 something, 20 everything written by Christine Hassler, the twenties are a HUGE transition stage in one's life. I most definitely suggest this book to anyone in their twenties, no matter how confident or content you feel you may be at the moment. I don't know anyone who couldn't use a little confidence boost from time to time. In fact, I bought both of my sisters copies of this book for them to read. Like the nerd I am, I highlighted and took notes in the margins of this text! It really has helped me numerous times through the last couple of years. There is just so much pressure on females within this age group to be successful and multi-faceted! I know that I am more relaxed in saying all of this because I feel as though I have FINALLY and ACTUALLY accomplished a personal goal as of recently! I do know though that there are going to be moments in my future regarding my career and personal life where I feel unsettled. Here's to hoping that I have some time before I begin to feel disappointed in my growth and achievement of other goals!!! Meanwhile, I am excited to begin a new chapter and am actually very ready for the holidays, as well as the following new year! 2010!

Parent/Teacher Conferences! Oh My!

Tomorrow night will be my first night of parent conferences done all on my own! I'm feeling pretty well prepared and am actually eager to have some one-on-one time with all of my kiddos' parents. It's just going to be a LONG night. With 27 students, both of my conference nights will be packed! And as we all know, they never run smoothy on schedule. So, I am prepared to be there well over an hour after the last conference is scheduled at 7:15. Here's to hoping that I am pleasantly surprised! I hope that I am able to express the progresses of my students in the best possible way and that none of the parents' questions leave me searching for words! :-0

:-) School Days

I have to say that I think I have the best job in the world! While the pay could be better (tons better), I have left school every day thinking about these 27 kids entrusted to me. It's so rewarding! I am so proud of the progress that they have made in the two short weeks we have been together. Ashley, my aide, deserves much of the credit for that as well. She's been a great partner who I will be sad to lose next year. While I totally understand that it is in her best interest to look for her own classroom, and that this gig serves merely to help us out and provide her with valuable "experience" for her resume, it is not the reason she put the time in to earn her teaching license.

This past week was the first week of changes within "MY" classroom. The students' play centers were shifted to the end of the day and they were introduced to "learning" centers. While they struggled to be interdependent among their groups the first day, the following days were awesome! I was so proud of them for working so quietly and well on Tuesday especially. The biggest struggle for me at this point is getting them to understand that I cannot have 27 hands tapping me at the same time or shouting out at me for something. As I was telling a colleague just yesterday, I feel as if I have to be the strictest with this right now from the beginning. I don't want to be insensitive to them BUT they have yet to be taught the ways of school or the appropriate means of gaining the attention of a teacher (or adult). Most of my students are either youngests or onlys. You can imagine the dynamic this creates with a class roster of 27 students. I don't mean this to be a negative comment, merely that most of my students are accustomed to having constant help and undivided attention. Obviously, this isn't possible in any classroom because of the normal teacher/student ratio.

We'll get there though. Like I said, they have made a great deal of progress already. I have had three different comments made about how much more they appear to be on-task as other's pass by our classroom!!! YAY! That's a great thing to hear! And I have to say that I have great people in my life- amazing people who want to see me succeed and support me in providing our little youngsters with the best possible education! I have to say that I am loving this more than I had ever thought I would. All of the fear, hesitation, doubts- it's all in the past. I'm so thankful.

It's been a week . . . and a great start!

Well it's been a week since I had first taken on the role as Kindergarten teacher to 27 students in Canal Fulton, Ohio! While I know I am in for much more work, I feel far more comfortable in my position after a week of learning the basic routines and expectations of the school. The high number of students does make my job challenging but I am up for it! The students seem to be functioning as if they were still new to the school year and without the full knowledge of what it means to be a kindergartener. Again, I see this as a challenge and hope to quickly teach them the basic structure and routines of the school day. My major concern is providing each student with the proper education that he/she needs to advance on and be successful throughout their future education. I remind myself constantly that I need to stay consistent in my discipline, yet fun and friendly in my approach. I want my students to enjoy the school day and look forward to seeing me each morning as I do them. I don't ever want to get to a point where I find myself wishing one of the students was absent (as the teacher holding this position prior to me did quite often). Each one of these children deserves to be accepted, regardless of their behavior or educational proficiency. I've always enjoyed being around children, and I hope that my 27 students are able to see that! I am fortunate enough to have an aide with me for five hours out of the school day. This allows me to feel more confident in providing the individualized instruction so necessary in today's classrooms. Ashley, my aide, is a licensed teacher as well. While her licensure is middle childhood, fourth grade through ninth, her ability as an educator comes out quite often and helps our communication process. She seems to be right at the same level with me and understand what I am attempting to do and get at when it comes to the organization and structure of the school day.

After all of that searching, all of that frustration, all of those interviews, I feel more confident then ever that I am in the school that will work best for me! I am in a comfortable, friendly, open environment where I can continue to grow as an educator and further the career I had attempted to begin so long ago!!! Wish me luck and keep the prayers said that I don't encounter too many struggles. God never gives more than one can handle! From this point on, that is my daily mantra!

~Oh MY!~

Yay! I finally managed it! I am finally going to have my own classroom! I am very, very excited, anxious, and apprehensive!!!!!! I am going to Sts Philips and James in Canal Fulton on Monday to meet my little kindergarteners and then will drive over to IPSCO and let them in on the news. I'm excited to meet my kiddos but more than a little nervous to tell me current boss the situation. He, and the rest, are going to be less than thrilled, but I certainly can't put my best interests aside for someone who at the end of the day really is not concerned with me. I'm looking forward to this new chapter in my life and am excited for the opportunity of security and stability that it can bring forth as well!

Wish me luck and keep the prayers going that the students transition well from the unorthodox school year that they've has thus far!

Well, I might be done with you . . . and on to something else!

Well, depending on how tonight goes, I may just be done with Canton City Schools. It's hard to say what the future will bring for me but, if tonight's interview goes well, then in the very near future I will be a Kindergarten teacher within a local parochial school. I think that this possibility excites me more than any of the other interviews I had undergone these past six months. The thought of being in a school setting where the parents are choosing to pay for their child's education eludes to the possibility of having better levels of involvement and cooperation overall from the parents. Also, there is the fact that the class sizes are smaller in parochial schools. This keeps the overwhelmed feelings of a first time teacher down slightly. Who would have thought that at this point in the school year, I would still be scheduling interviews for the possibilty of gaining my own classroom?!

I have been attempting to keep track of the number of interviews I have gone through now, and if I am thinking correctly, this will be my seventh in the last six months. It can definitely be viewed positively and negatively. While I have gained some great interview experience, I was feeling pretty down this past weekend after I got the last rejection phone call. I mean, really, six rejections??! That doesn't sit too well with the old ego. But thinking about this upcoming (seventh) interview, I have a renewed sense of why I went to school to become a teacher in the first place. I can't give up now, even if I am feeling very frustrated with the whole process! Looking through my portfolio this morning helped quite a bit as well. I began thinking about the past interviews and where I may have gone wrong. With each of the Canton City interviews (five out of the previous six), there were a panel of interviewers, each taking a turn asking a scripted question. They told me prior to the questioning that I was to keep the answers as short and concise as possible due to the time limit on the session. I was never really offered a time to display my passion and excitement for teaching. I brought my 5 inch thick portfolio to each session and never once opened it to show off the work I had put into my degree. I was intimidated by the school system and the style of the interviewing process. Without being given the chance to demonstrate my knowledge and passion, I flopped. Well, at least, I left feeling like I had flopped. I was told that for a few of those positions I had landed myself in the top two or three. Overall, for a district as hard to get into as Canton City, that's not a terrible status to have. It just doesn't get me into my own classroom!

If this upcoming possibility doesn't work out, I will continue taking the steps to get on the sub list (which is taking A LOT longer then I had originally anticipated) and make a name for myself within various school districts. I just wish that I had more financial freedom to have more flexibilty! I know that I am not the only one working and striving to keep afloat or feeling strapped to a job, but I hate it!! One day, hopefully in the near future, I will be more settled with my career and where my life is taking me! Within a year's time, everything will be different and changed for the better! That's my goal!

~Canton City- I'm not done with you!~

I have another shot at potentially attaining a classroom for the 2009-2010 school year! At eight o'clock last evening I received a phone call from the principal of Allen Elementary in Canton asking me if I was still interested in interviewing for a Kindergarten position! "Of course", I said, "Absolutely"! So with a few mixed feelings on the matter, I enter into yet another interviewing process. The further that I get into this, with the increasing number of interviews, my outlook seems to be fairly more relaxed. What's the worse that could happen, I don't get the job?? I've faced that question and experienced those results before. So, while I did a fair amount of research on the school itself, I will maintain a far more relaxed frame of mind entering into this upcoming interview. If it's meant to be, it will occur. It's as simple as that. I don't have control over anything more than my preparedness and professional approach. I know that I am qualified to teach and that I it would give me profound joy to have my own little group of Kindergarteners to motivate and enjoy each day! I just have to showcase my abilities to those who are interviewing me and PRAY that my "inexperience", as they call it, does not become the deciding factor once again! Keep your fingers crossed and prayers said for me! Canton City- I'm coming after you yet again!

Loving the Fall . . . Hating its Runner-UP

This time of year creates a dynamic within most people that is so mixed it's crazy! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the fall season!!! I totally, completely love the colorful leaves that become prominent on our trees, the pumpkins and hay bales that begin to appear on porches and in front yards, and the thought of hot apple cider! For some reason Fall has such a soothing quality to it, at least for me. I was reminiscing the other day about taking my Kindergarteners on a field trip to the pumpkin patch during my student teaching experience! I wish I was with the new group this year to share in their delight! On the other hand though, with the Fall comes quite a bit of work, as well as changing attitudes due to the decreased length of day. The mornings stay darker longer and the nights get darker quicker. With all the outside clean up work that seems to pile up and the shorter days, the moods seem to noticably "fall" (excuse the pun haha). I can appreciate the Winter season and Christmas cheer, and I am very excited for family members and friends who have expanded their families! There really is something about a baby's First Christmas! It's just that the crisp, Fall weather doesn't seem to last long enough!! Outdoor football games, soccer games, hay rides, bonfires!!! I love the cool nights when you can get away with wearing a hoodie and flip flops! This is also a great time of year to go four-wheeling! I have so much fun going through the wooded trails when it's not so overwhelmingly HOT and STICKY!!

This time of year it is also a hard one though in the fact that it leaves us missing special friends and family members who once shared in these experiences with us. The loss of Mark has been a hard one for both Kevin and I to take. Camping and four-wheeling loses a bit of its splendor with his absence (and the subsequent absence of Kate and Lexie). This is not the first loss either of us has endured though, and with the continuation of life comes its deterioration as well. I guess this fact is one that also brings hope to humanity. The Fall season marks the beginning of deterioration. It provides the transition toward the Winter weather which then totally wipes out our beautiful, colorful flowers. The hope lies in the fact that we all know Spring will be here eventually to renew the color and to reverse the cycle afore mentioned.

I, for one, will attempt to maintain my optimism and hope. I will do my best to enjoy every little bit of the Fall weather, as well as the trailing Winter season. I know that it won't be long before I'm walking around my yard checking for buds in my flower beds! That excitement will have to hold me over through the harsh winter winds. I just hope that my family and friends will try to focus on the high points of each season, instead of allowing themselves to be depressed by the deterioration of life and lack of light.

~When One Becomes Weak in Mind, Body, and Spirit~

The last few days I have been doing quite a bit of thinking about the concept of mental illnesses, i.e. depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders, and the like. There have been and are a few occurences of these disorders surrounding certain relationships within my life. My extended family (on both paternal and maternal sides) has been known to have a few members suffer from one or another of these mental illnesses, and I have seen friends suffer from them as well. The fact that mental illnesses are prevalent within my family structure is a scary one to be aware of. I think though that being aware is the best way of preventing oneself from being swept up in such an illness. Don't get me wrong, I am not stating that I believe one brings on or creates such an illness, I simply feel that one can determine his/her will-power in fighting it and keeping it from consuming himself/herself.

I will be the first to admit that there are times in life when you just don't feel like trying- you don't see any purpose driving your life. There are times when you just want to be in a bad mood. I have had moments when I knew I just did not want to put the effort into making myself feel better at that particular time. In times such as these though, I simply try to stay away from people. It's not fair for others to be brought down by my negative mood. I will also say that moments such as these usually cause me to think a great deal about myself and how I portray myself to others. While there are moments when this makes it worse because I feel totally down about myself, usually it causes me to realize that I am a happy person who takes pride in helping others. You can't help others if you can't help yourself. You can't create a warm, soothing, friendly environment for yourself or others if you allow the dark clouds to consume your mood. Maybe I am over-simplfying it a bit. Maybe it's not as black and white as I make it sound. Depression and anxiety are much like dementia- there is a HUGE grey area.

I'm not sure what I am attempting to rationalize or accomplish in sharing this post. I think that I am largely doing it for myself in order to cope with others' moods as of late. I can feel myself becoming entwined with those dark moods hovering above me. I used to be so much better at lifting others out of their "funks". I have noticed that my patience and understanding level has diminished quite a bit. This could be due to my own selfishness or one step further than that, an inherent attempt to gain more support rather than continually provide it. However the case may be, I hope to gain a greater understanding of these "illnesses" and to feel secure in myself so that perhaps I may provide a safe haven for myself and others once again.

~Stir- Crazy and Ultimately . . . Confused~

Maybe I'm portraying weakness in mind and maturity by admitting that I have a very hard time viewing others successes as I'm struggling to attain mine, but as of late, that's how I've been feeling, especially when the successor is far younger than I am. I know that I should be a bigger person than that. I should be 100% genuine in wishing the best for everyone who strives for excellence and works towards a particular goal! I do honestly feel that those who work hard, deserve greatness. I guess in saying that, I'm feeling fairly neglected in being offered my token of "greatness". I tend to delve deep into thought (and far into over-analyzation) about what I am doing to ward off the "gods of prosperity". I wonder, is my subconcious working against me? Am I trying to tell myself something? Am I somehow holding myself back from achieving those goals I set for myself so long ago? In pondering the answers that come to mind from these questions, I remember back to what I was like as a child and how I viewed myself and who I thought I would become. I loved to be around animals and children. I always knew that in one way or another I wanted to be working with the innocents- those who depend on others for comfort and nourishment. Some of my fondest memories were of taking care of the farm cats and their large volumes of offspring. I remember begging my mom and dad for a puppy. I used to drag my poor pound puppy, Brownie, around on a leash and pretend he was eating out of dishes I drew out for him in the hopes that my parents would get the hint and give in. Well, they kind of did. We took a trip shortly after to pick out my very own kitten, Crystal. Regardless of how she turned out (I'd digress too far off topic in attempts to explain that one), I still was very fond of kittens, puppies, babies, the elderly, etc. Throughout grade school I practiced spelling the word "veternarian" so as to keep from embarrassing myself when writing the answer to "what do you want to be when you grow up?". High school experiences and pressures caused me to jump around in answers to the afore mentioned question though. I became extremely confused and therefore felt lost. I couldn't define myself. I wasn't able to pinpoint why I was placed here or what it was that I was to accomplish in life. I still feel like I can't fully answer these questions. I'm nearing an age though that I should really have a better grasp on these answers then I do. That scares me. The fact that I have been unable to attain an Early Childhood classroom keeps me asking, "why am I here?", and "what am I missing?". Ultimately, I am at a point in life where I am totally stir-crazy and waiting for a change of some sort! I'm striving to create the change I need but have been undergoing the thought process far more than partaking in the action necessary to encourage my thoughts' development. Simply speaking, I need to do. I need to determine how to do.

~Taking the Initial Leap~

Okay! I made the initial step in order to get things going as far as subbing for this school year! I've made the calls and am just waiting on the responses and my paper work to be processed. I should be up and going at the very latest by the end of September! My plan is to start out subbing one day a week and gradually increase it as I get comfortable (and hopefully receive requests within certain classrooms). I'm placing the situation in God's hands and am going to maintain faith that he'll direct my life's path. As long as I am open to each and every opportunity that is presented to me, I should have my career going one of these days! It's not going to be easy, but I have to use my skills and my acquired degree to my advantage. I've been doing A LOT of thinking lately and have even considered starting over completely- earning a degree in something more marketable at the present time. But, I need to be smart about this. I have a degree that I can utilize, it's just going to take some work on my behalf. Honestly, there were days I HATED subbing, but then there were days I was grateful to be apart of the classroom environment (with the bonus of no planning on my part). I need to remember the joys of the classroom environment as I get back into this, otherwise I'll drive myself crazy with trepidation. Wish me luck and say some prayers that I can maintain my focus and continue to see myself ultimately attaining my goal of having my own classroom one day!!!!

Recession Coming to An End?!

According to an article on ABC News, federal surveys are showing a slight improvement in businesses around the country (http://abcnews.go.com/Business/wirestory?id=8527477).
I find even the gossip of such an actuality encouraging! I'm still concerned though that we'll be struggling through the cold, winter months as unemployment is an issue in most regions yet. It takes time to recover from the downward spiral our country's economy has been taking. I'm praying that all of those who are able and willing to work can find jobs to support themselves and their families. Also, I have been attempting to follow all discussion on the attempts for health care reform. As I believe 99.9999% of our country would agree, I feel that no one should be denied the health care they may require based on financial circumstances! Preventative medicine is the key! No one should have to wait on medical attention until the time comes that it is absolutely necessary or, God forbid, too late! A patient with cancer should not shun away from treatment or the best medical minds because of lack of income to support his/her need! A person working six days a week to stay afloat should have access to yearly check-ups without worry of an extreme cost on his/her end! I am all for helping those in need, but why should someone who works the system be provided with more medical care, at a lower (or no) cost than someone working six to seven days a week?! We need to create a health care system where everyone, no matter what socioeconomic background one may fall in, can receive the quality care necessary to live a full, healthy life. Who would suffer from such a proposition? Doctors, pharmacists, individuals working within any medical facility and mostly, health insurance companies. Why? Because they would no longer be able to spike the cost of something so absolutely necessary to every individual within our country. Maybe I have it wrong. Maybe I misunderstand some of how this all works. I would never claim to know absolutely everything about any topic. I do realize that research costs are high and that the equipment used within hospitals and doctors' offfices are extremely expensive, but my personal experience and inability to obtain the medical attention needed provides me with the clear knowledge that something isn't working and needs to change!

~Ever Think About Life at 80?~

It's funny because throughout our entire childhoods, people are always questioning us on what we want to be when we grow up. As young kids we answer with whatever happened to peak our interest on that particular day (week, or a phase of a few years maybe). The question intensifies in frequency and with purpose though as we near our senior year in high school- the time when we're supposed to know with absolute certainty what direction we're pointing our young minds in. I remember undergoing numerous activities during my senior year that encouraged us to ponder where we would be in the ten years following our graduation. I, like most everyone else, stated that I would be working comfortably (as a first or second grade teacher), married, own a home, and raising at least my first child. It's funny how skewed our sense of time is as seniors in high school.

As most of us direct our lives through the "college" route and choose a major (a few times maybe), the question of what we want to be when we grow up obviously drops off a bit. The pressure isn't on to choose anymore, it's on to do something with that choice. Well, that's where the statistics come in. Yes, you know, that number that tells us how many graduates are actually working within the major and field of their "choice". Personally, I never paid attention to those numbers. Every college offers them as an incentive to make high enrollment numbers, and I wasn't condsidering any other colleges than the one I attended, so I cared little for any of the statistics that they were handing us. In saying that, the message behind that particular above mentioned statistic is definitely clearer to me now more than ever.

I have a teaching license and a degree in Early Childhood Education.
Yup. But I'm working within a local fork lift business preparing invoices and making collection calls. That's about as far away from a classroom as you can get- working 8am to 5pm Monday through Friday. Financially, it keeps me afloat. And let me just state that I am EXTREMELY grateful to be afloat right now. I am well aware that there are many, many people who are out of work and would love to be in my position. I do understand that while I may not be doing what it is that I think I should be or want to be doing, I am still one of the lucky ones. I guess the point that I am trying to make is that I realize I am apart of the negative end of a statistic. Quite honestly, I'm not okay with that. I feel that I have put forth far too much effort and overcome far too many obstacles to be okay with that.

I guess in the end, being aware of this fact, it makes me think about not only the next ten years of my life but also, the next 60! Dealing with Kevin's grandma's dementia makes me wonder more and more what life at 80 will be like for me. The debate as to whether or not to place grandma in home for around the clock, personal care is one that scares me. Not only for her but selfishly, for me as well. What if I don't have anyone around to make those choices and decisions on my behalf? The thought really scared me one morning, as pathetic as that may be to admit, it really did catch me by surprise. I know we can't live in fear of the unknown. We should instead use our fears to motivate us into creating better lives for ourselves. Blah. Blah. Blah. It sounds good. It sounds inspirational and all of that, but I'll admit, I don't know where to start! I am, afterall, only human. I make mistakes. I allow myself to fall into bouts of self-pity from time to time. I think it's healthy in a way, because as long as we don't allow ourselves to take it to an extreme, we can really learn from our "lower" moods.

I'm starting to ramble now as different thoughts creep up on me as I'm typing. Here's to life at 80 and hoping that we're one of the lucky bunch who are sane, mobile, healthy, financially sound, AND loved!

The World's Sad Reality . . . Jacee Dugard

The more I hear and read about the current stories on finding Jacee Dugard, the angrier I become that it happened in the first place. Just today ABC interviewed one of his first known victims, Katie Hall. Garrido conned her into giving him a ride home from a parking lot, stating that his car broke down. I will spare the detailed specifics, as I get sick to my stomach thinking about the event as it is. (For the full news stories on this topic you can go to (www.abcnews.go.com/GMA/Story?id=8460220&page=2).

Fortunately for Katie, an officer found her vehicle outside of the storage unit where he had raped her and found it to be suspicious. If it weren't for that officer, Katie probably would be dead. There is much speculation at this point linking Garrido to the deaths of previous prostitutes and other young girls. He even openly admited to exposing himself to young girls and to experiencing strong urges of rape! How is it then that he only served 11 years of his 50 years to life sentence?! Garrido should never have been given the chance to rape, torture, or kidnap again. But he was. Not only was he given the chance, he took it and got away with it for 18 years despite what I believe to be obvious signs of wrong-doing. I found pictures online showing his home and backyard. The yard was filled with tents, storage barns, and other makeshift shelters. (http://extras.mercurynews.com/slideshows/news/2009/08/jaycee_dugard_0828/)
I don't understand how his parole officers could come to his house without checking his backyard and the inside thoroughly. Now I know I watch way too much NCIS, CSI, and that sort, but still. There are numerous ways that a repeat sex offender can get away with his/her sick deeds. So why make it so easy on them to do so? I read one of the comments made to the ABC news article on this topic. Someone had stated that we need to understand that not every sex offender repeats his/her act. I don't buy that one bit! And regardless, if a man or woman has committed an act such as this to a child or anyone, they DO NOT DESERVE the right to complete privacy.

One may say that Jaycee is lucky. Lucky to be alive. That her family is lucky to have her back....but what now? What about her future? What about the future of her two innocent daughters? An officer stated that he found the "robotic" state of the two young girls odd and suspicious. Can you imagine where their state of mind is at? It infuriates me to think about! Garrido altered (negatively to say the least) the lives of numerous people and now claims that once we have seen how much his two daughters have changed his life, we'll view his actions in a different light. Really?! Like anyone who hears about this story even slightly gives a damn about him or how he has changed as a result of Jaycee's capture! My thoughts are on Jaycee as a horrifed 14 year old giving birth for the first time without the support of a mother or a loved one! Can you imagine how an experience such as that alters one's state of mind? Or how Jaycee endured anything of which she experienced?

I pray that Jaycee and her young daughters adjust and transition well with the support of her loved ones who missed her dearly over the last 18 years.

Finally . . . some Relaxation

~Relaxing~

While I have yet to plan a get-away retreat for myself, I did have a great weekend filled with quality time with Kevin. We spent two nights at a near-by campsite, just the two of us and Buddy. We had initially invited a few friends and their kids but, trust me, I was not the least bit disappointed when they cancelled. We had no one to entertain, no one to cook for but us, no obligations of any sort. We played cards (Gulf!), went for a long walk, cooked steaks on the grill, had a nice little bonfire, and sat observing our crazy camping neighbors!

~Horoscope Madness~

"You may find that someone is approaching you with harsh words, Erin, that are apt to have a significant impact on your state of mind. You may find that you are even paralyzed, in the sense that you begin to question certain actions that you were taking, or that you plan to take in the future. Spend some time alone in order to sort things out before you go ahead and make any drastic life-changing moves."

-While I know many people do not hold much faith or belief in their horoscope or the principals of the zodiac, I find it very intriguing to read mine daily. Yes there are many ways of wording a horoscope in order to "fit" with anyone's current life, but there are too many times that I find them so specifically "dead-on" that I, personally, take comfort in the fact that my todays and tomorrows may be full of something- good or bad. Considering that I have been looking to make drastic changes in my life, through one form or another, I can appreciate being told to slow down and instructed to do some soul searching before making any final decisions. I'm honestly thinking that a solo get-a-way may just be in order for me here in the near future. I need to take a little retreat in which I have no distractions or outside suggestions. I strive too often to get the advice from others on what I feel my next move should be. It's time that I asked myself what my future is going to look like. There is no guarantee that my future will include anyone else but myself. Not that I'm looking to isolate myself- life just doesn't have to uphold promises or guarantee that your loved ones will remain at your side for any length of time. (I've seen this more often than not already.) So my next move? Figuring out where, when, and how to create my solo retreat.

Wedding Bliss or Family Drama?

Anna and I at our cousin's wedding.

Family dynamic is funny. Weddings, graduation parties, reunions, and other such occasions sure do create an interesting atmosphere amongst our extended family. There is such a large number of us, and the family politics are so great, that we don't even recognize each other half of the time! It's a sad reality. Out of the 23 or so first cousins on my mom's side, I really only know a handful of them. Out of that handful, I visit and communicate frequently with none of them. This is simply another sad reality. I tend to over analyze my thoughts, feelings, and reactions to my family members. This contemplative state of mind is inevitable after attending family functions, and almost always results in overwhelming confusion. I try to understand it without allowing it to form my overall perception of family. Our family unit is almost an oxy-moron in itself. I honestly feel that the interest in each other is genuine, as is the concern. Unfortunately, the expression of such interest and concern was stunted somewhere along its relay. Regardless, I am grateful for the opportunity to be apart of my cousin's wedding and to have a great picture of my youngest sister and I as a result of attending this family function!

I Suppose . . .

Oh well. I suppose, like Jeanne said, there's a reason for me not getting into a classroom just yet......... I'm sure she's right and yet the disappointment is still overwhelmingly settling in. After (Aunt) Donna's comment about "needing to have a connection" to get into a classroom, I just hope that the family dynamic and political chaos hasn't extended to other school districts in keeping me from my career. I'm not sure where that would leave me if it truly were the case. Moving out of state, like Jeanne???? How is that fair? Well, it isn't. But that's not necessarily a new thing for me or anyone else to experience. I will just have to continue putting in the non-stop effort in order to get my name and face into more school systems. While I am attempting that, I think that I will also continue my education at this point. I hate to add onto the student loans but it just might be necessary in order to become more employable.

Now the question remains, what to get my master's in?? counseling??? general education?? reading?? special education?? children's lit??? or something entirely different then the world of education??? There truly are so many areas in which one can present himself/herself that I just don't know. I think that I need to take a day or two of serious thought.......meditate into myself and figure out what direction I would like to and need to take in getting my career to take off......

My biggest roadblock......not comparing my current life status with that of those around me...
Everyone evaluates themselves with some standard in mind...whether it be the standards shown from classmates, family, co-workers, or other such people.
The bottom line is that I need to determine what standard I want for my life....and I need to base that standard on practical limits and realistic expectations for what I, personally, am capable of achieving.

Last Minute Attempts!

Well, with the new school year scheduled to begin Monday (two days from now), I just underwent two interviews! Both of the interviews were for schools within the Canton City district, and both of these schools are populated with a lower level income community. The first interview was for a first grade position, while the second was for a Kindergarten position. When taking the time to weigh out the pros and cons of both schools and grade levels, I drive myself crazy attempting to consider the many variables of both situations. The bottom line at this point is simply that I hope and pray one of them offers me the job!!

My certification is Pre-School through Third grade, and quite honestly, the only grade level I would prefer to steer clear of is Pre-School. I just feel that at this age group, preparation takes precedence over education. I know many educators would be screaming to hear me make that comment, but three and four year olds require more of an education in routine and structure rather than in the material of our curriculum. I think that every educator would agree that there are comfort levels for each of us in the different age groups we teach. I for one would NEVER be able to stand in front of twenty high schoolers four or five times a day, five days a week!!! Whew the thought of it makes my blood pressure rise and my skin go blotchy! ;) Great teachers are confident with their student body. I admire many of the teachers I had growing up and have been greatly influenced by a few of them specifically. The confidence factor is the one thing that stands out to me in each and every one of the "great teachers". Although I can't imagine my sixth grade teacher at the high school level and vice versa with my high school biology teacher at an elementary level. I feel sure that the Early Childhood level is the perfect fit for me BUT I also have first-year jitters at managing a group on a daily basis in an effective, successful manner. I feel that it takes a year or two of experience to come into yourself as a teacher- to find the teaching style that best suits you and creates a comfortable classroom environment. Who wants to be in a classroom in which the teacher is uncomfortable???! Common sense would tell you that would make for a long school year!

I just hope that if I am offered one of these positions I am able to showcase myself as the capable professional that I am. Capable and Confident.

Daily Horoscope

If my horoscope for today doesn't say it all....I don't know that anything else will....

"You may get frustrated, Erin, when you find that people- especially men- are not as sensitive to the situation as you want them to be. While you are looking to make a strong connection with someone, almost wanting to take possession of their feelings, they, in turn, are trying to pull back. People are apt to gravitate more towards rational intellectual facts instead of intense smothering emotions."

Considering my conversation with a certain someone last night, this pretty much fits the bill....

Feelin' Beyond Blah

I keep trying to remind myself that my mood is merely dependant upon how I decide to make it. In saying that though, there are outside factors that make it extremely difficult for me to maintain a decent state of mind without certain factors changing or improving. I guess that I may just be disappointed in the slow movement of my career path and in the fact that I am not making as much money as I was before our company took an "economic hit". It is tough to maintain a decent standard of living right now, and I often wonder how others manage it. In many ways I am lucky when it comes to the financial aspect of things but in others, not so much. My student loans weigh heavy on me and while I know that I am NOT the only one who has such a large amount of student loans, it still provides a grim outlook on the next 10-year plan of my future. Things such as this are evaluated on a very personal level. Sure there may be others who can empathize but really it doesn't make it any more/less easy for me to cope with the facts. Oh well, everything has a time and place . . .

One Year Work Anniversary~ Nothing but Stress!

Walking into work this morning, I totally forgot that it was indeed my one year anniversary of employment. Amie called out "Happy Anniversary!" as she walked in though, recalling it to my memory. I had realized that it was coming up though, because I have been anticipating the much needed $1 raise and one-week's paid vacation time!!! Although, I'm not sure when I am to receive that promised raise on my pay. I suppose I will have to be more relentless and outspoken than I normally tend to be. It's mine- I earned it. I can't let them think that I merely "forgot" that it had been promised to me. Nuh uh. I'm just going to have to say something. The problem is that the boss man has been acting a little strained and aggravated again lately. His good mood didn't even last two months :(
And it occurs to me that while I am asking him about when I am to receive my raise, he'll probably already be stressed out and frenzied because of his youngest, dearest, most confusing son. Within an hour of being here this morning Amie and I had his son, Mark, "lecturing" us about an apparant mistake in the invoicing and credit charge of a company who now no longer wants to do business with is. It would be comical that the fault lays in Mark's lap except he seems to continuously push the issue this morning, attempting to pass off the blame from himself to us. Accountibility and responsibility really are not his forte. I would go into the multiple, insanely ignorant comments that he had made to us, but let's just suffice it to say that he really has no concept of business or his role as a salesperson. (I am being politically correct on the "salesperson" terminology as our "saleswoman" lands more sales and therefore should be considered when speaking of the sales department.)
So here's to hoping the lost customer drama is centered around the correct person and the raise is as well!!

The Ultimate in Job Searches!

Okay......Now that I have successfully managed to obtain a Bachelor's Degree/Teaching License, I am unable to utilize them like I was hoping. You know when you're in high school (especially around the time of your senior year) when they ask you: "Where do you see yourself in ten years?".....well, I am closely approaching that ten year mark and have yet to accomplish that which I had set out to do. The first school year after my graduation from Walsh University I wasn't as discouraged or frustrated with my inability to attain a teaching job. I mean, I did graduate in December and with the economy as it is, I reconciled myself to being without the classroom I was hoping for until the following year. I had one interview where I was told that the position really was already filled and not to really be hopeful of attaining it. I didn't. So along with two waitressing jobs, I became a substitute teacher within the Canton City School district. By the end of the school year, I was so burnt out from working three jobs at 60 to 70+ hours a week that I was beginning to become easily discouraged with the job search. Well I have had a renewed sense of motivation for this upcoming school year and have been searching, calling, faxing, and pushing my name into every school I can think of since before this past school year was completed. My first interview was held a week before the 2008-2009 school year had ended. The principal was extremely encouraging! I left the interview very excited and planning for my upcoming Third grade classroom! I had been enrolled in a Master's level course at the time of the interview (to renew my teaching license for another two years) and centered all of the assignments around a Third grade setting in order to feel more prepared!!!
There really is no disappointment like that which I felt the day I got the voicemail.
Being a second choice for the position due to inexperience is not something an entry-level teacher wants to hear- ever! My first thoughts were: "How am I supposed to gain experience if no one will take me on as a first year teacher????!" I have been doing everything that everyone says to do..... (1) check the websites everyday for newly posted positions (2) fax and mail resumes and letters of interest to every school regardless of jobs being available or not (3) bug the heck out of them- be relentless in getting them to remember your name (4) utilize every possible connection you have!!!! This checklist of things to do landed me a screening interview with Canton City. The interviewer mentioned to me as I walked into his office that regardless of whether or not I was hired for this particular position, I had many highly respected professionals who thought highly of my ability and performance as an educator. Encouraging words to hear at an interview, right? Apparantly not enough to land me the second round of call back interviews with the principal. Discouraging to say the least. I am now attempting to hound a few different school districts in order to land "aide" positions..........Here we go again......fingers crossed and frustration put to the side (for the moment)......

The Beginning!

Well.....I have decided to create my own blog mostly because, as fun as Facebook can be, the information relayed can be limited within the posts for many reasons. I have always been an active writer of thoughts and feelings within daily journals. I have at least 5 or 6 journals stashed away that I like to pull out from time to time to analyze my past thoughts and experiences. It is amazing to see the shift in my perception of things/people throughout the years. I always said one day I would like to write a book or become some sort of published writer. While that may not be any day soon, at least I can maintain an honest expression of thoughts of the sometimes mundane daily life.......