Finally . . . some Relaxation

~Relaxing~

While I have yet to plan a get-away retreat for myself, I did have a great weekend filled with quality time with Kevin. We spent two nights at a near-by campsite, just the two of us and Buddy. We had initially invited a few friends and their kids but, trust me, I was not the least bit disappointed when they cancelled. We had no one to entertain, no one to cook for but us, no obligations of any sort. We played cards (Gulf!), went for a long walk, cooked steaks on the grill, had a nice little bonfire, and sat observing our crazy camping neighbors!

~Horoscope Madness~

"You may find that someone is approaching you with harsh words, Erin, that are apt to have a significant impact on your state of mind. You may find that you are even paralyzed, in the sense that you begin to question certain actions that you were taking, or that you plan to take in the future. Spend some time alone in order to sort things out before you go ahead and make any drastic life-changing moves."

-While I know many people do not hold much faith or belief in their horoscope or the principals of the zodiac, I find it very intriguing to read mine daily. Yes there are many ways of wording a horoscope in order to "fit" with anyone's current life, but there are too many times that I find them so specifically "dead-on" that I, personally, take comfort in the fact that my todays and tomorrows may be full of something- good or bad. Considering that I have been looking to make drastic changes in my life, through one form or another, I can appreciate being told to slow down and instructed to do some soul searching before making any final decisions. I'm honestly thinking that a solo get-a-way may just be in order for me here in the near future. I need to take a little retreat in which I have no distractions or outside suggestions. I strive too often to get the advice from others on what I feel my next move should be. It's time that I asked myself what my future is going to look like. There is no guarantee that my future will include anyone else but myself. Not that I'm looking to isolate myself- life just doesn't have to uphold promises or guarantee that your loved ones will remain at your side for any length of time. (I've seen this more often than not already.) So my next move? Figuring out where, when, and how to create my solo retreat.

Wedding Bliss or Family Drama?

Anna and I at our cousin's wedding.

Family dynamic is funny. Weddings, graduation parties, reunions, and other such occasions sure do create an interesting atmosphere amongst our extended family. There is such a large number of us, and the family politics are so great, that we don't even recognize each other half of the time! It's a sad reality. Out of the 23 or so first cousins on my mom's side, I really only know a handful of them. Out of that handful, I visit and communicate frequently with none of them. This is simply another sad reality. I tend to over analyze my thoughts, feelings, and reactions to my family members. This contemplative state of mind is inevitable after attending family functions, and almost always results in overwhelming confusion. I try to understand it without allowing it to form my overall perception of family. Our family unit is almost an oxy-moron in itself. I honestly feel that the interest in each other is genuine, as is the concern. Unfortunately, the expression of such interest and concern was stunted somewhere along its relay. Regardless, I am grateful for the opportunity to be apart of my cousin's wedding and to have a great picture of my youngest sister and I as a result of attending this family function!

I Suppose . . .

Oh well. I suppose, like Jeanne said, there's a reason for me not getting into a classroom just yet......... I'm sure she's right and yet the disappointment is still overwhelmingly settling in. After (Aunt) Donna's comment about "needing to have a connection" to get into a classroom, I just hope that the family dynamic and political chaos hasn't extended to other school districts in keeping me from my career. I'm not sure where that would leave me if it truly were the case. Moving out of state, like Jeanne???? How is that fair? Well, it isn't. But that's not necessarily a new thing for me or anyone else to experience. I will just have to continue putting in the non-stop effort in order to get my name and face into more school systems. While I am attempting that, I think that I will also continue my education at this point. I hate to add onto the student loans but it just might be necessary in order to become more employable.

Now the question remains, what to get my master's in?? counseling??? general education?? reading?? special education?? children's lit??? or something entirely different then the world of education??? There truly are so many areas in which one can present himself/herself that I just don't know. I think that I need to take a day or two of serious thought.......meditate into myself and figure out what direction I would like to and need to take in getting my career to take off......

My biggest roadblock......not comparing my current life status with that of those around me...
Everyone evaluates themselves with some standard in mind...whether it be the standards shown from classmates, family, co-workers, or other such people.
The bottom line is that I need to determine what standard I want for my life....and I need to base that standard on practical limits and realistic expectations for what I, personally, am capable of achieving.

Last Minute Attempts!

Well, with the new school year scheduled to begin Monday (two days from now), I just underwent two interviews! Both of the interviews were for schools within the Canton City district, and both of these schools are populated with a lower level income community. The first interview was for a first grade position, while the second was for a Kindergarten position. When taking the time to weigh out the pros and cons of both schools and grade levels, I drive myself crazy attempting to consider the many variables of both situations. The bottom line at this point is simply that I hope and pray one of them offers me the job!!

My certification is Pre-School through Third grade, and quite honestly, the only grade level I would prefer to steer clear of is Pre-School. I just feel that at this age group, preparation takes precedence over education. I know many educators would be screaming to hear me make that comment, but three and four year olds require more of an education in routine and structure rather than in the material of our curriculum. I think that every educator would agree that there are comfort levels for each of us in the different age groups we teach. I for one would NEVER be able to stand in front of twenty high schoolers four or five times a day, five days a week!!! Whew the thought of it makes my blood pressure rise and my skin go blotchy! ;) Great teachers are confident with their student body. I admire many of the teachers I had growing up and have been greatly influenced by a few of them specifically. The confidence factor is the one thing that stands out to me in each and every one of the "great teachers". Although I can't imagine my sixth grade teacher at the high school level and vice versa with my high school biology teacher at an elementary level. I feel sure that the Early Childhood level is the perfect fit for me BUT I also have first-year jitters at managing a group on a daily basis in an effective, successful manner. I feel that it takes a year or two of experience to come into yourself as a teacher- to find the teaching style that best suits you and creates a comfortable classroom environment. Who wants to be in a classroom in which the teacher is uncomfortable???! Common sense would tell you that would make for a long school year!

I just hope that if I am offered one of these positions I am able to showcase myself as the capable professional that I am. Capable and Confident.

Daily Horoscope

If my horoscope for today doesn't say it all....I don't know that anything else will....

"You may get frustrated, Erin, when you find that people- especially men- are not as sensitive to the situation as you want them to be. While you are looking to make a strong connection with someone, almost wanting to take possession of their feelings, they, in turn, are trying to pull back. People are apt to gravitate more towards rational intellectual facts instead of intense smothering emotions."

Considering my conversation with a certain someone last night, this pretty much fits the bill....

Feelin' Beyond Blah

I keep trying to remind myself that my mood is merely dependant upon how I decide to make it. In saying that though, there are outside factors that make it extremely difficult for me to maintain a decent state of mind without certain factors changing or improving. I guess that I may just be disappointed in the slow movement of my career path and in the fact that I am not making as much money as I was before our company took an "economic hit". It is tough to maintain a decent standard of living right now, and I often wonder how others manage it. In many ways I am lucky when it comes to the financial aspect of things but in others, not so much. My student loans weigh heavy on me and while I know that I am NOT the only one who has such a large amount of student loans, it still provides a grim outlook on the next 10-year plan of my future. Things such as this are evaluated on a very personal level. Sure there may be others who can empathize but really it doesn't make it any more/less easy for me to cope with the facts. Oh well, everything has a time and place . . .

One Year Work Anniversary~ Nothing but Stress!

Walking into work this morning, I totally forgot that it was indeed my one year anniversary of employment. Amie called out "Happy Anniversary!" as she walked in though, recalling it to my memory. I had realized that it was coming up though, because I have been anticipating the much needed $1 raise and one-week's paid vacation time!!! Although, I'm not sure when I am to receive that promised raise on my pay. I suppose I will have to be more relentless and outspoken than I normally tend to be. It's mine- I earned it. I can't let them think that I merely "forgot" that it had been promised to me. Nuh uh. I'm just going to have to say something. The problem is that the boss man has been acting a little strained and aggravated again lately. His good mood didn't even last two months :(
And it occurs to me that while I am asking him about when I am to receive my raise, he'll probably already be stressed out and frenzied because of his youngest, dearest, most confusing son. Within an hour of being here this morning Amie and I had his son, Mark, "lecturing" us about an apparant mistake in the invoicing and credit charge of a company who now no longer wants to do business with is. It would be comical that the fault lays in Mark's lap except he seems to continuously push the issue this morning, attempting to pass off the blame from himself to us. Accountibility and responsibility really are not his forte. I would go into the multiple, insanely ignorant comments that he had made to us, but let's just suffice it to say that he really has no concept of business or his role as a salesperson. (I am being politically correct on the "salesperson" terminology as our "saleswoman" lands more sales and therefore should be considered when speaking of the sales department.)
So here's to hoping the lost customer drama is centered around the correct person and the raise is as well!!

The Ultimate in Job Searches!

Okay......Now that I have successfully managed to obtain a Bachelor's Degree/Teaching License, I am unable to utilize them like I was hoping. You know when you're in high school (especially around the time of your senior year) when they ask you: "Where do you see yourself in ten years?".....well, I am closely approaching that ten year mark and have yet to accomplish that which I had set out to do. The first school year after my graduation from Walsh University I wasn't as discouraged or frustrated with my inability to attain a teaching job. I mean, I did graduate in December and with the economy as it is, I reconciled myself to being without the classroom I was hoping for until the following year. I had one interview where I was told that the position really was already filled and not to really be hopeful of attaining it. I didn't. So along with two waitressing jobs, I became a substitute teacher within the Canton City School district. By the end of the school year, I was so burnt out from working three jobs at 60 to 70+ hours a week that I was beginning to become easily discouraged with the job search. Well I have had a renewed sense of motivation for this upcoming school year and have been searching, calling, faxing, and pushing my name into every school I can think of since before this past school year was completed. My first interview was held a week before the 2008-2009 school year had ended. The principal was extremely encouraging! I left the interview very excited and planning for my upcoming Third grade classroom! I had been enrolled in a Master's level course at the time of the interview (to renew my teaching license for another two years) and centered all of the assignments around a Third grade setting in order to feel more prepared!!!
There really is no disappointment like that which I felt the day I got the voicemail.
Being a second choice for the position due to inexperience is not something an entry-level teacher wants to hear- ever! My first thoughts were: "How am I supposed to gain experience if no one will take me on as a first year teacher????!" I have been doing everything that everyone says to do..... (1) check the websites everyday for newly posted positions (2) fax and mail resumes and letters of interest to every school regardless of jobs being available or not (3) bug the heck out of them- be relentless in getting them to remember your name (4) utilize every possible connection you have!!!! This checklist of things to do landed me a screening interview with Canton City. The interviewer mentioned to me as I walked into his office that regardless of whether or not I was hired for this particular position, I had many highly respected professionals who thought highly of my ability and performance as an educator. Encouraging words to hear at an interview, right? Apparantly not enough to land me the second round of call back interviews with the principal. Discouraging to say the least. I am now attempting to hound a few different school districts in order to land "aide" positions..........Here we go again......fingers crossed and frustration put to the side (for the moment)......

The Beginning!

Well.....I have decided to create my own blog mostly because, as fun as Facebook can be, the information relayed can be limited within the posts for many reasons. I have always been an active writer of thoughts and feelings within daily journals. I have at least 5 or 6 journals stashed away that I like to pull out from time to time to analyze my past thoughts and experiences. It is amazing to see the shift in my perception of things/people throughout the years. I always said one day I would like to write a book or become some sort of published writer. While that may not be any day soon, at least I can maintain an honest expression of thoughts of the sometimes mundane daily life.......