Attempting to Be Gracious, Even if it KILLS ME!

Well with the addition of a TEMPORARY house guest, I am doing my best to adapt and make open my home. It is sooo hard though when you have a routine that is comfortable and familiar. Now I have to adjust even the simplest of things because of an extra in the house- things like dinner preparation, timing of that preparation, additional groceries, and now laundry???!!! I am not at all thrilled about any of it, especially the laundry. I don't care to do laundry in the first place, for myself or Kevin. I'm constantly amazed at how much laundry he can create for one person in a week. (He swears he only wears one changing of clothes a day! But forgets that he wears like four and five layers right now because of the weather!!!) But to have this person ask me to do his laundry . . I don't know...I really don't. One second I feel like I'm being a horrible person. I mean, why can't I sympathize and be a genuinely concerned friend? Why can't I be more open and gracious about my things and my home? I don't feel like I'm being a good person at all and then I think that- wait, I deserve some happiness and comfort too, right? Why should I keep taking on more? I don't need any extras in my day or schedule that's for sure! AAHH, I don't know what's right anymore. I honestly don't. Sometimes I wish it were just me in my own little world. I wouldn't have to worry about anyone else's laundry, dinner, feelings, attitudes . . . the list goes on......

Personal Thoughts on the Existence of Facebook

"I think that the creation of technology, and Facebook specifically, has opened up wonderful means of communication but also created the potential for people to express their "right to free speech" without realizing how class-less it makes them appear."

Defensive and Offensive Ignorance

The other day I encountered a situation in which a Facebook "friend" posted a comment that I felt inappropriately mentioned school names in a context that was far from positive. This particular post was centered on the topic of bullying. I couldn't understand why the topic of bullying required an actual school setting. The worst of it was that this "friend" was sharing this story which he had heard from a person of authority dealing with the situation. Talk about crossing lines of privacy! The schools hadn't even been notified yet of the issue and he was putting shared information up publically! Usually when it comes to this person's posts, I mutter something to Kevin or vent about it to someone but don't actually comment my feelings. You'd understand better if you heard all of the stories, but I'd digress way too far off topic to attempt that one! Anyways, this time I had personal vested interest in the matter and therefore, I posted my thoughts! I was simply tired of this busy-body posting personal things about others' lives in order to feel important and apart of anything! I didn't say it meanly though. I just said that this wasn't a public matter. Whew- let me tell you! That opened a bag of worms! This other "friend" of his (who I don't know) totally went crazy with her own feelings and was extremely defensive. I thought everyone knew that people can lose jobs and get into serious trouble for what is posted online, such as on Facebook!!!! What is so hard to understand about it? This person could have easily (and almost did) get his friend fired for posting inside knowledge!

And then just recently, I encountered another instance where someone else posted a response to a photo on Facebook about me. The funny thing is- I wasn't even in the picture! Let's just say that the comment was far from complimentary- and very unnecessary! And as far as I'm concerned, unprovoked. Now I don't claim to be a perfect person. I never have. But I can never recall a time where I have ever slandered someone on a public forum in the manner as I have been. Especially since this person is neither a personal friend or someone I see very often. Simply a young, twenty-something female who has a poor attitude and is used to running the show in her daily life. She's one of those people who goes through cycles with who she's going to have an issue with. She knows she's nasty and full of bad attitude. The problem is she knows and thinks that it is flattering. Not quite sure about that but hey, it apparently works for her. It doesn't work for me though. I'm not okay with being talked about so disrespectfully, especially since I hadn't done anything to create the animosity. And I honestly would say if I had done something to contribute to the situation. I always own up to my faults- it's the only way to make things better in the future. The only remark I can make on this one is that she's one of those people who you think so little of and who never crosses your mind- that it's not worth taking offense to.

I guess there are certain people in my life who just aren't used to me commanding respect or speaking up instead of being the silent back drop. How does one make this transition though? No one is taking it well. I'm not out to be a total, call-it-like-it-is *itch. That's not me. I simply am tired of being treated disrespectfully. I've been told that in order to get what you are after, you have to say something. You have to command that it happen. Any suggestions?

~Horoscope and Thoughts of the Morning~

With a snow day giving me a morning to relax, I checked out my horoscope. Well this sounds promising!:

"Don't be surprised if you get a sudden windfall today, Erin. It may come in the form of hard cold cash, or more likely it will come in the form of an opportunity of some kind. From a business and creative standpoint, this is the most auspicious time for you."

I'd be perfectly content with continued work and success where I'm at! Now that our Dinosaur Tea is over, I'm attempting to re-focus my kiddos and get back to our more structured routine! I honestly didn't anticipate the school year going as fast as it is! I've been placing a lot of pressure on myself as of the last few days to get my class back to our goals and the learning objectives set in place for them! And with Valentine's Day parties, Mardi Gras, and the Lenten season, it's going to be a struggle! But it's kind of like having kids of your own, you want them to be the smartest, most well-rounded, independent kids they can be! I feel that way in preparing my group for their big move to First Grade! As I am sure any first-year teacher would admit, there is an extra degree of pressure in proving your capability in this preparation of your very first student group. The progress of this particular group never ceases to amaze me! There are times where you can actually see them "get it". That "aha moment"! I feel it's the reason most teachers go into the profession. It's such a cool thing to witness. My group will get so excited that it just reaffirms my career choices every time!

After last Friday's events, I had Saturday to myself and did quite a bit of reflecting on the past few weeks at school. I was evaluating my performance in reaching each individual student (even with the craziness of preparing for a program). Am I paying enough attention to each of the 27 I have? Am I making it personal and showing compassion to each and every one of them?! It can truly be hard with a class size as large as mine, but I always try to provide time in the day to listen to them banter about the things they find so important in their young lives! Hopefully my kids remember their Kindergarten year and recall fond, fun memories of our time together. Did you remember your Kindergarten year??! I think about this a lot actually because quite honestly, I don't remember too much from my own year in Kindergarten. And I had a wonderful teacher! I guess that would be enough for me too- to have my former students remember me as a caring teacher, even if they don't remember the fun activities (or recognize the hard work and money put into the activies) we shared together.

I wonder which ones of mine will become teachers themselves! I've got a few that seem to have the qualities already . . . I hope they keep in touch . . . and I'm getting emotional thinking about it so I think I will close with that thought!

Dinosaur Tea~

One of our Triceratops Hats!
Well, today was a big day for me and my kindergarteners! We had SPJ's annual kindergarten program (my first), "The Dinosaur Tea". This program was started by the former kindergarten teacher who retired last year. The whole intention is to showcase our students and the many programs that our school has to offer its students. From the tidbits of information that I was thrown in January, right after our return from Christmas break, I constructed my perception of the program. For the most part, I think I kept the tradition that the students and parents are familiar with. Although because I am coming in new, in the sense of being the new teacher to the building and as the new, first-year teacher, I have been getting quite a few questions about next year's program already. Are you sticking with the dinosaur theme? Are you keeping the tradition exactly as is or are you going to change it up? Why not do another theme? Maybe the dinosaurs have been exhausted in the school?? Quite honestly, I would like to develop a program that is completely my own. It's nice to have things laid out for you and materials made ready (although not all), but being a first-year teacher coming in as I did makes the pressure to flourish creatively higher!

I guess it would be the same for anyone, especially teachers- feeling a greater sense of accomplishment and pride in a program that you developed. It's something that I will have to think about- research some cute songs and themes that would be conducive to encouraging enrollment within our school! I'm hoping that today's events did in fact help with the number of students we will have in pre-school and kindergarten next year. And I have to say- I am really looking forward to getting back into our regular routine. The kids and I are both HUGE fans of consistency and major creatures of habit! These past few weeks have been largely full of crafts and songs and practice! Do I even remember are regular schedule???!!! I won't have to worry about that- they'll know! It never fails to make me laugh when they point out something that I had "missed" in our routine! I really was getting emotional about them all today too. My principal and I were talking about their performance, and I mentioned how proud I was of their hard work. I also mentioned that I was happy to see many of them returning to our school for first grade. I want to be able to see them progress- have them close by! And like she said, this class will always hold a major part of my heart! They are in fact my very first group of students! I was getting teary-eyed thinking about it! Ah! It's only February! How am I going to be in May and June! Oh my! It was also nice to hear from my principal that she saw a HUGE improvement in them and that they have made MAJOR progress in the few months that I have been with them! :) *Sigh! I have a huge headache from today- and majorly need the time to unwind from these last few weeks- BUT I love my kids.

Student: Miss Hilty?
Me: Yea?
Student: Can I tell you something kind of important?
Me: Of course!
Student: Well, I just wanted to tell you that you are a very special teacher to me and that I love you.
(Honestly- a conversation I had yesterday with one of my girls!)

~I Love My Job!~