~When One Becomes Weak in Mind, Body, and Spirit~

The last few days I have been doing quite a bit of thinking about the concept of mental illnesses, i.e. depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders, and the like. There have been and are a few occurences of these disorders surrounding certain relationships within my life. My extended family (on both paternal and maternal sides) has been known to have a few members suffer from one or another of these mental illnesses, and I have seen friends suffer from them as well. The fact that mental illnesses are prevalent within my family structure is a scary one to be aware of. I think though that being aware is the best way of preventing oneself from being swept up in such an illness. Don't get me wrong, I am not stating that I believe one brings on or creates such an illness, I simply feel that one can determine his/her will-power in fighting it and keeping it from consuming himself/herself.

I will be the first to admit that there are times in life when you just don't feel like trying- you don't see any purpose driving your life. There are times when you just want to be in a bad mood. I have had moments when I knew I just did not want to put the effort into making myself feel better at that particular time. In times such as these though, I simply try to stay away from people. It's not fair for others to be brought down by my negative mood. I will also say that moments such as these usually cause me to think a great deal about myself and how I portray myself to others. While there are moments when this makes it worse because I feel totally down about myself, usually it causes me to realize that I am a happy person who takes pride in helping others. You can't help others if you can't help yourself. You can't create a warm, soothing, friendly environment for yourself or others if you allow the dark clouds to consume your mood. Maybe I am over-simplfying it a bit. Maybe it's not as black and white as I make it sound. Depression and anxiety are much like dementia- there is a HUGE grey area.

I'm not sure what I am attempting to rationalize or accomplish in sharing this post. I think that I am largely doing it for myself in order to cope with others' moods as of late. I can feel myself becoming entwined with those dark moods hovering above me. I used to be so much better at lifting others out of their "funks". I have noticed that my patience and understanding level has diminished quite a bit. This could be due to my own selfishness or one step further than that, an inherent attempt to gain more support rather than continually provide it. However the case may be, I hope to gain a greater understanding of these "illnesses" and to feel secure in myself so that perhaps I may provide a safe haven for myself and others once again.