New Year's Resolution 2011

(Two weeks of vacation with Kevin home as well. It's days and weeks like this that I realize how lucky I am to have the support that I have in my life.) In preparation for the writing of this resolution, I became thoroughly and instantly depressed. How can one really write a resolution about making changes if he/she doesn't acknowledge the existing circumstances that one desires to change. I will make my resolutions short and simple as I am still having a difficult time acknowledging the fact that I have let both issues get to the point that they have.

There are two main things in my life that I would like to work on changing:

1) My Weight- which is a repetitive resolution that I always say will occur that particular year.

This year though I have to master my weight issues. I have spiraled into a situation in which I don't acknowledge what I am eating or how much weight I have managed to put on. But I in order to conquer an issue, one must know what the issue is. I put on 8 pounds this year. What's my excuse this year? No foot surgery- that was in 2009. No office job where I'm sitting all day- that was 2008 and 2009. Without a walking partner?- Now I've got the puppy who requires regular excerise.  Just plan BAD HABITS and acquired LAZINESS! I have no excuses. I have purchased a Wii gaming system, Kevin has promised to help decrease the amount of junk food in the house, and I have promised to join Anna in Weight Watchers. Whether or not I allow these tools to assist me is completely up to how I integrate them into my new daily life. So here's to 2011's weight loss and upcoming June nuptials!



2) Over-Reacting Emotionally- which is a new acknowledgement on my part.

I have realized very recently that I am happy. Isn't that a funny thought to have. If it's true as I believe it to be- then I need to begin acting like it. I need to stop over-reacting to comments and situations. I didn't fully see my outbursts as they are. Ashamed and embarassed would be two adjectives I would use to describe myself in response to that realization.

 Do you know what finally triggered me into "getting it"? Radar. It seems silly I realize, but I care so much for my animals (and especially of the newest edition who has "needed" me from day one) that I don't want to disrupt or create disbalance in their emotional well-being. Radar is such a loving, sensitive, emotional, sweet character that he quite obviously displays his family's moods in his own actions and personality. If I am agitated- so is he. If I am frustrated- he sure lets me know that frustration can be overwhelming. It breaks my heart to think that I can have a negative impact on any being (human or animal). He's brought back in me that soft, quiet sensibility. That presence that goes with the flow and doesn't over-react. That being that takes "bad" circumstances and softly corrects them into "good" experiences.

"Softly" My new word for my actions this year will be "softly". React softly. Think things through softly. Soft doesn't have to be viewed in a negative light. I thought that it did. I thought I was too soft. I thought that I should be harder. I thought that I should be tougher. I thought that I had to be more outspoken. I was incorrect. I realize it now, after it has become quite a habit to react poorly- to react harshly in the instant. I want to acknowledge this now. I want to face this head on. I want to change this back. There are some things that we don't need to change. Gentle, soft, relaxed, sensitive. That's how I want to be remembered. I don't want to have to be tough, not in the sense of attitude and reaction.

Approach softly. Love fully. React patiently.

Christmas 2010

Merry Christmas!

It's Radar's first Christmas! :-) Not that he, as Kevin reminds me, knows the difference between today and any other day! Oh well, the holidays and the snow are still new experiences for him and it's kind of fun to see how much he loves to play in the snow!

It's hard to believe that 2010 is coming to an end. It's amazing how fast life flies by... before you know it I'll be preparing for my next group of kids and their Christmas festivities!! With the new year 2011 drawing near, I am contemplating those changes that I would like to make to myself and my life. I will leave my New Year Resolutions for New Year's Eve though and allow myself more time to become serious and determined about them.

Meanwhile- best wishes to everyone and the safest of Holidays!

It's been awhile . . .

Well being that I am completely and totally restless at 7pm- without any real motivation to accomplish anything productive.... I thought I'd update the blog. Being preoccupied with life and the kids at school makes time pass so quickly. At the moment I'm fighting a cold/flu or something! I've been attempting to fight it off now for three weeks. It finally caught up. I've been pretty miserable for about 5 days now (the worst being over the weekend during my "free" time, naturally). Besides the long, sleepless nights -I've been toughing it out fairly well.

I've immersed myself into the Harry Potter series once again- the motivation being the new movie release which I went to see with Matt and Anna over Thanksgiving Break. There's nothing like a dark, winter night with a cup of coffee/tea/wine, a blanket, puppy cuddles, and a good book. I've been enjoying it thoroughly! Not that I can say the same for Kevin who swears I'm ignoring him as of late! ;)

Radar, our newest edition, has grown quite large as well. He's currently a little over 70 lbs and will be seven months on Tuesday, December 7th. We've finished two sessions of Puppy School and will be starting a third in January. There are moments when I feel like I need to devote more time to our training, but for the most part, he is a very laid back, obedient 7 month old. He goes through his normal "play time" periods when I first get home from school whether I want to play or not! He most definitely loves his frisbee and tennis balls! It's quite normal for him to come up to you with both in his mouth (not sure which one he'd rather play with). I look forward to the two weeks that I have off for Christmas so that I can spend more time with him! He can definitely be a "momma's boy" but he loves his daddy and his animal siblings. I am very glad that we decided upon a labrador retriever. Radar's temperament is so loving and he loves companionship. We really could learn from animals.

Radar

Now my blog is caught up on the normal, rather unextraordinary, happenings of my most recent activities...... :-)



Official Start to A School Year . .

Alright  . . . I have to be honest. I LOVE MY JOB! And also, am finding that the beginning of the year is just as EXHAUSTING and challenging as the end of the year!!! Whew! I have a class size that is 12 fewer than I had last year- and it still seems to be about the same amount of (if not more) work. I was prepared for them coming in young. I was prepared for teaching them the routine of the school day. I was not prepared for the small group of boys who are dead set on challenging every level of my management skills. It's such a shame because until I can effectively manage those few, the rest of the class suffers. I've been coming home exhausted. And naturally, my voice went on the seventh day of school. Wouldn't that just be about right?! I'm a little congested today but yesterday and the day before wasn't at all. My throat doesn't even really hurt. It feels strained from trying to overcompensate for the lack of volume to my voice though.

I have discussed my frustrations and concerns with my aide and our Pre-School teacher who I totally respect! It's just interesting to hear how certain students had different behavior patterns in Pre-School than they seem to be showing so far in Kindergarten. The defiance is a huge obstacle. I'm amazed at the rude, totally disrespectful comments that are being made to me, my aide, and the rest of the class. I keep reminding myself that they are just babies coming in. Really most of them just turned five. I do have a handful of 6's too though. I think that my goal for tomorrow is to get through the day and have the kids leaving the room as happily as possible. The goal for next week is to focus more on arts and crafts- and individual evaluations.  There is just no possible way for me to accomplish whole group learning on an outstanding level until I can learn what it takes to get these kids motivated and eager to learn.

Praying with all my heart that I am blessed with the ability to patiently guide these young minds to their fullest potential!

Lion and Sheep

"It is better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all of your life." ~Anon.

It's funny to think about how often we personify animals. The reverse occurs just as often too if you think about it. We use animals to portray characters in books, movies, plays- beastly or not. We use animals to convey feelings, emotions, and the like. Look at how many animals are used in commercials and advertisements as marketing tools. I just find it strangely fascinating tonight for whatever reason. Finding the above quote got me thinking. I often wonder how it is that I cannot seem to put my foot down on certain matters and/or with certain people. How do I obtain the authority needed to make the decisions and choices that bring happiness to me? I know that I have ventured this question through prior blogs, as I am sure I will again, but happiness seems to be an ongoing venture.

Early this morning I read that an acquaintance, someone I had at one time served and chatted with while working at a local restaurant, had committed suicide. I have not seen this individual in over a year and during the time I did see him frequently, I did not create an overly social relationship with him for obvious reasons. I was/is in a relationship and he stated his attraction outwardly. The only reason I mention this is because the shock experienced in hearing the news was in part due to this. I know that many people go through life knowing this or that person is/was attracted to them. I'm not one who has ever been aware of this. My mom and sister used to joke with me about it all of the time. A fitting recall story for the moment would be the guy and his crashed boxes as I walked unwittingly by. I don't have a clue. You have to be blatantly obvious for me to get it- I never was able to acknowledge it. That goes with coworkers' respect and admiration as well. I don't just assume it's there and can't pick up on it unless it is stated.  He was obvious about it, and it made me feel good. Simply, humanly put it made me feel good to think he would outwardly state his attraction without regard of others thoughts or opinions. It saddens me to think that someone who could put a small layer of confidence on my skin would turn to suicide. Apparently I was no help in adding to his thick skin. I feel as though maybe I stole a layer away. Not that I blame myself. I understand that I don't hold that much power over someone I merely waited on from time to time. I just wonder if I could impact more people better than I do.

I have a "fix-me" complex with others, animal and human. It started out early bringing in the barnyard cats and their many litters. I would dream about finding helpless, abandoned babies to which I would provide homes and comfort. I would date all of the wrong guys- the ones who needed rebuilt. I would attempt to solve family struggles which usually got me in deeper. You know the pattern- it goes on and on. I guess that I always dreamed of making a difference. I always wanted to be remembered as self-less and caring. The selfishness of having a legacy such as the above hits me now. Do I really feel shock because this seemingly fun-loving guy committed suicide? That I can say, I do. There is no selfish reason for me to be saddened at his loss. Shock fits in nicely with me as with many others who are wondering why tonight. I've felt alone. Sometimes I still do when it comes to certain experiences and choices. This isn't the end of it. There was a quote I read which went something like this: life shouldn't be viewed as torment, rather a blessed legacy and gift. That was a paraphrase for sure, but you get the idea. Obviously our dear "man" saw only the harshness and torture of living here on earth. Another friend of mine, upon hearing of this news, stated that those who commit suicide never find peace. I, honest to GOD, hope that her statement is not true. I have no ill-will toward those who reach their end in this way. I feel for their pain. I don't think it's fair to say they will have no peace because of the manner in which they died. (I'm sure many would disagree with me one this!) I want those who suffer here in any way to find the love that we are promised. Otherwise, what good is any of it?! I do feel suicide is a weak act, but God loves the weak. God helps the weak, right?

Suicide, murder, death in any form is not one we take lightly. Some may suffer more than others. Many die unfairly under cruel conditions. Some may fall to their own despair. I wish for us all to have a peaceful life and death. I wish for us all to stand as lions, strong in our beliefs, and act as sheep, nurturing to all and easily guided by the strong.

Super Love from A Super Hero!

Gotta love my boy and his blankie!

Week Two of Puppy Kindergarten begins tomorrow night. I guess we shall see if he's still ahead of his class or if they've caught up to him. He's mastered the sit and shake commands, as well as the lay down. We're still having an unreliable outcome with the recalls (or calling him to "come"). That's to be expected at his age though (he's not even 3 months old yet), especially since I've been practicing on my own and it works better with two or more people. There are moments when I think he's completely potty-trained- and then the accident happens! Oh well, he's young yet and has the basic idea down. He's completely infatuated with the blanket that holds his littermates' and mother's scent. The couple we bought him from was nice enough to provide him with this baby blanket! And, while I know I can't continue to humanize him for many reasons, he is a sweet puppy who is growing fast. Anyways, that's my little bragging moment on my "baby". I'm sure my posts will include more talk of little ones soon as school is about to start back up! After this week I will be busier than normal and soon enough- School Time!

My Heart!

~ 10 weeks old today! ~

Anxious as of Late . . .

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."

~Buddha

As much as I love having the summer off, I'm finding that since the 4th of July came to an end, I'm beginning to feel anxious about the upcoming school year. Kevin laughs (in a seemingly knowing way) at my over-analyzation and needless worry. What can I say? That's something I have always done and will, more than likely, continue to do. I think I'm too hard on myself and strive too hard for perfection in performance. I wish I could channel that motivation to a more personal, self-improving focus. I don't feel that I acknowledge my well-being, emotional or physical health as of late. I know how great it feels to be centered in mind and body. I have experienced it in the past and gloried in the self-confidence it brings forth. Unfortunately I feel (and I may be far off point here) that I unknowingly self-soothe through loathing myself. Does that make sense? Like self-sabotage because you aren't totally convinced that you deserve the end result you were after? It's not like I do this with everything. I feel that I am very professional, effective, and sincere when it comes to my students. Of course, during the school year I feel as though I have more purpose. I've concluded that's the gist of my summer blues. I don't do well when I'm in idle mode! I went through a similar experience right after I graduated from Walsh. I was without school work or a job for about a month. Ahh. Misery. For Kevin and myself. I went from having nothing to do- to working three jobs!  Purpose. Everyone wants to feel as though they were intended to fulfill some purpose.

I am thankful for Radar this summer and for the future summers we will have together. (I know, corny, right?) He's the tiny being that needs me right now. Maybe not in the same sense as my students or a human baby, but he looks for me and relies on me for survival. I'm thankful for the opportunity to have a dog companion once again. I love the puppy stage he is currently in but am also really looking forward to the grown dog he will be. I can't wait to take him on walks and go together to the dog park. I've always loved animals. Life means the most and is the best when one is surrounded by animals and children. My goal is to RELAX and ENJOY the remainder of my summer- and to put my anxiousness aside. The upcoming year will be a great one!

The New Addition, Radar :)

Radar (Walter O'Reilly)

The newest, sweetest addition!

Born May 7th, 2010

Labrador Retreiver

Faith, Hope, and Love . .

"It's been one of those mornings that's gonna last all day." ~ Miranda Lambert
And maybe one of those years that stretches to its fullest.

God grant us the peace of mind we are looking for. There are moments when "quiet faith" is simply not enough. There are times when one needs to tap a little deeper into purpose, drive, motivation, love, and this life- all the while making it widely known to others. I am searching ways in which to display my faith in a more outwardly way while remaining just as genuine. For some reason I take my faith, my religious beliefs very personally. I shelter them- and isn't that we are taught NOT to do. Lately though, I am finding that because I keep my thoughts so inward, I'm beginning to ignore them myself. I have the luxary of teaching young students the importance of Jesus, God, Mary, Joseph but also, I have the honor of helping their little hearts stay open to the Higher Good, the unexplained, and dearly needed presence in our lives. I think their honest, newly formed opinions stike gold more than any of the other "seasoned" opinions I've heard in the past. I can't even begin to express how much good this has done for me over the past school year. It has been reminiscent of my elementary school days as well as fulfilling in the "teacher-minded" part of me.  I value the Catholic school education that is still hanging on in our society. This past year, my very FIRST year of teaching, will forever be a memory and be a HUGE part of my past. It makes me emotional because it's such a humbling feeling. I don't know that I even know quite how to explain it really.

I guess that overall, I feel so lucky and blessed in life, regardless of the hardships that come along like speed bumps temporarily slowing you/me/us down. I'm putting my future, my success, my well-being into God's hands as of right now. "Circle of Protection" as I've learned to reference it as. Not everything is within my control. Faith that God is guiding us. Hope that it doesn't destroy. Love that makes it worthwhile.

Every little thing . . .

. . . adds up.
. . . counts.
. . . makes a difference.
. . . drives me crazy.

Whichever one fits the moment- or maybe more than one or all fit at the moment. It's hard to be sure. I wish I could fully express certain feelings but unfortunately, the time and place isn't always appropriate.

Attempting to Be Gracious, Even if it KILLS ME!

Well with the addition of a TEMPORARY house guest, I am doing my best to adapt and make open my home. It is sooo hard though when you have a routine that is comfortable and familiar. Now I have to adjust even the simplest of things because of an extra in the house- things like dinner preparation, timing of that preparation, additional groceries, and now laundry???!!! I am not at all thrilled about any of it, especially the laundry. I don't care to do laundry in the first place, for myself or Kevin. I'm constantly amazed at how much laundry he can create for one person in a week. (He swears he only wears one changing of clothes a day! But forgets that he wears like four and five layers right now because of the weather!!!) But to have this person ask me to do his laundry . . I don't know...I really don't. One second I feel like I'm being a horrible person. I mean, why can't I sympathize and be a genuinely concerned friend? Why can't I be more open and gracious about my things and my home? I don't feel like I'm being a good person at all and then I think that- wait, I deserve some happiness and comfort too, right? Why should I keep taking on more? I don't need any extras in my day or schedule that's for sure! AAHH, I don't know what's right anymore. I honestly don't. Sometimes I wish it were just me in my own little world. I wouldn't have to worry about anyone else's laundry, dinner, feelings, attitudes . . . the list goes on......

Personal Thoughts on the Existence of Facebook

"I think that the creation of technology, and Facebook specifically, has opened up wonderful means of communication but also created the potential for people to express their "right to free speech" without realizing how class-less it makes them appear."

Defensive and Offensive Ignorance

The other day I encountered a situation in which a Facebook "friend" posted a comment that I felt inappropriately mentioned school names in a context that was far from positive. This particular post was centered on the topic of bullying. I couldn't understand why the topic of bullying required an actual school setting. The worst of it was that this "friend" was sharing this story which he had heard from a person of authority dealing with the situation. Talk about crossing lines of privacy! The schools hadn't even been notified yet of the issue and he was putting shared information up publically! Usually when it comes to this person's posts, I mutter something to Kevin or vent about it to someone but don't actually comment my feelings. You'd understand better if you heard all of the stories, but I'd digress way too far off topic to attempt that one! Anyways, this time I had personal vested interest in the matter and therefore, I posted my thoughts! I was simply tired of this busy-body posting personal things about others' lives in order to feel important and apart of anything! I didn't say it meanly though. I just said that this wasn't a public matter. Whew- let me tell you! That opened a bag of worms! This other "friend" of his (who I don't know) totally went crazy with her own feelings and was extremely defensive. I thought everyone knew that people can lose jobs and get into serious trouble for what is posted online, such as on Facebook!!!! What is so hard to understand about it? This person could have easily (and almost did) get his friend fired for posting inside knowledge!

And then just recently, I encountered another instance where someone else posted a response to a photo on Facebook about me. The funny thing is- I wasn't even in the picture! Let's just say that the comment was far from complimentary- and very unnecessary! And as far as I'm concerned, unprovoked. Now I don't claim to be a perfect person. I never have. But I can never recall a time where I have ever slandered someone on a public forum in the manner as I have been. Especially since this person is neither a personal friend or someone I see very often. Simply a young, twenty-something female who has a poor attitude and is used to running the show in her daily life. She's one of those people who goes through cycles with who she's going to have an issue with. She knows she's nasty and full of bad attitude. The problem is she knows and thinks that it is flattering. Not quite sure about that but hey, it apparently works for her. It doesn't work for me though. I'm not okay with being talked about so disrespectfully, especially since I hadn't done anything to create the animosity. And I honestly would say if I had done something to contribute to the situation. I always own up to my faults- it's the only way to make things better in the future. The only remark I can make on this one is that she's one of those people who you think so little of and who never crosses your mind- that it's not worth taking offense to.

I guess there are certain people in my life who just aren't used to me commanding respect or speaking up instead of being the silent back drop. How does one make this transition though? No one is taking it well. I'm not out to be a total, call-it-like-it-is *itch. That's not me. I simply am tired of being treated disrespectfully. I've been told that in order to get what you are after, you have to say something. You have to command that it happen. Any suggestions?

~Horoscope and Thoughts of the Morning~

With a snow day giving me a morning to relax, I checked out my horoscope. Well this sounds promising!:

"Don't be surprised if you get a sudden windfall today, Erin. It may come in the form of hard cold cash, or more likely it will come in the form of an opportunity of some kind. From a business and creative standpoint, this is the most auspicious time for you."

I'd be perfectly content with continued work and success where I'm at! Now that our Dinosaur Tea is over, I'm attempting to re-focus my kiddos and get back to our more structured routine! I honestly didn't anticipate the school year going as fast as it is! I've been placing a lot of pressure on myself as of the last few days to get my class back to our goals and the learning objectives set in place for them! And with Valentine's Day parties, Mardi Gras, and the Lenten season, it's going to be a struggle! But it's kind of like having kids of your own, you want them to be the smartest, most well-rounded, independent kids they can be! I feel that way in preparing my group for their big move to First Grade! As I am sure any first-year teacher would admit, there is an extra degree of pressure in proving your capability in this preparation of your very first student group. The progress of this particular group never ceases to amaze me! There are times where you can actually see them "get it". That "aha moment"! I feel it's the reason most teachers go into the profession. It's such a cool thing to witness. My group will get so excited that it just reaffirms my career choices every time!

After last Friday's events, I had Saturday to myself and did quite a bit of reflecting on the past few weeks at school. I was evaluating my performance in reaching each individual student (even with the craziness of preparing for a program). Am I paying enough attention to each of the 27 I have? Am I making it personal and showing compassion to each and every one of them?! It can truly be hard with a class size as large as mine, but I always try to provide time in the day to listen to them banter about the things they find so important in their young lives! Hopefully my kids remember their Kindergarten year and recall fond, fun memories of our time together. Did you remember your Kindergarten year??! I think about this a lot actually because quite honestly, I don't remember too much from my own year in Kindergarten. And I had a wonderful teacher! I guess that would be enough for me too- to have my former students remember me as a caring teacher, even if they don't remember the fun activities (or recognize the hard work and money put into the activies) we shared together.

I wonder which ones of mine will become teachers themselves! I've got a few that seem to have the qualities already . . . I hope they keep in touch . . . and I'm getting emotional thinking about it so I think I will close with that thought!

Dinosaur Tea~

One of our Triceratops Hats!
Well, today was a big day for me and my kindergarteners! We had SPJ's annual kindergarten program (my first), "The Dinosaur Tea". This program was started by the former kindergarten teacher who retired last year. The whole intention is to showcase our students and the many programs that our school has to offer its students. From the tidbits of information that I was thrown in January, right after our return from Christmas break, I constructed my perception of the program. For the most part, I think I kept the tradition that the students and parents are familiar with. Although because I am coming in new, in the sense of being the new teacher to the building and as the new, first-year teacher, I have been getting quite a few questions about next year's program already. Are you sticking with the dinosaur theme? Are you keeping the tradition exactly as is or are you going to change it up? Why not do another theme? Maybe the dinosaurs have been exhausted in the school?? Quite honestly, I would like to develop a program that is completely my own. It's nice to have things laid out for you and materials made ready (although not all), but being a first-year teacher coming in as I did makes the pressure to flourish creatively higher!

I guess it would be the same for anyone, especially teachers- feeling a greater sense of accomplishment and pride in a program that you developed. It's something that I will have to think about- research some cute songs and themes that would be conducive to encouraging enrollment within our school! I'm hoping that today's events did in fact help with the number of students we will have in pre-school and kindergarten next year. And I have to say- I am really looking forward to getting back into our regular routine. The kids and I are both HUGE fans of consistency and major creatures of habit! These past few weeks have been largely full of crafts and songs and practice! Do I even remember are regular schedule???!!! I won't have to worry about that- they'll know! It never fails to make me laugh when they point out something that I had "missed" in our routine! I really was getting emotional about them all today too. My principal and I were talking about their performance, and I mentioned how proud I was of their hard work. I also mentioned that I was happy to see many of them returning to our school for first grade. I want to be able to see them progress- have them close by! And like she said, this class will always hold a major part of my heart! They are in fact my very first group of students! I was getting teary-eyed thinking about it! Ah! It's only February! How am I going to be in May and June! Oh my! It was also nice to hear from my principal that she saw a HUGE improvement in them and that they have made MAJOR progress in the few months that I have been with them! :) *Sigh! I have a huge headache from today- and majorly need the time to unwind from these last few weeks- BUT I love my kids.

Student: Miss Hilty?
Me: Yea?
Student: Can I tell you something kind of important?
Me: Of course!
Student: Well, I just wanted to tell you that you are a very special teacher to me and that I love you.
(Honestly- a conversation I had yesterday with one of my girls!)

~I Love My Job!~

Lost in Loss

I'm missing Alison so much today. I get like this now and then. I get so angry about it that it can be so emotionally consuming. There are no words to express how her life and being touched people. She was one in a million. I hope that she looks down smiling and is proud of who I am. I don't quite get why everyone who has meant something in my life, as well as my siblings and family, have passed. I know that it's not healthy to be so angry about it from time to time, but I can't help but feel that way. I am trying to understand- I know that life is not, and never will be, fair. I know that life is what you make of it. Obviously, after so many losses in my life, I am well aware that life in itself is short. I need to remember this more. I need to relax more. I need to open up and figure out what the heck I want out of being here. Teaching has added a huge new dimension to my life. It really has opened up my heart more. But, I still feel like I'm just not making the most out of myself or my time. I'm feeling meloncholy lately. I know that doesn't help matters.

Horoscope for Wednesday, January 27th

"You may feel as though the smallest issue is now a life or death situation. Depending on your mood, you may find yourself on the brink of complete disaster, and then the next minute you are soaring high. Remember that the drama that surrounds you is more a product of you and your reaction to the environment rather than the environment itself. "

Most of this seems to ring true- most. The whole soaring high part hasn't hit personally in the last 6 days. Kind of tired of it- but I'd have to agree that the "drama" I feel only affects me. I'm the only one who feels like things are off-kilter. So apparently, the drama is a product of my reactions. Right or wrong? Of course that doesn't matter. I feel how I feel. Isn't that enough?!

"Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tradegy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it." ~ Mother Teresa

New Year ~ and the typical New Year's Resolution!

Yes- I am going to be one of those people! LOL- those people who decide that the best time to start dieting and exercising is January! I just really feel ready. I didn't really include it in my actual New Year's Resolution with the rest of my 2010 goals- but I feel now, at the middle of January, that I am ready to start this. I'm gotten myself into a comfortable realm of not working out again- and that's VERY bad! I feel better about everything in general when I work out regularly and I miss that feeling! I've started by determining what would be the best thing to do for breakfast and lunch. I have a huge problem with eating at these times because I'm either on the go or way too busy! I don't really let myself sit down and eat either of these meals. Then I'm weak and miserable after school, without any desire of expending any more energy. I've noticed though that if I "drink" my breakfast and lunch, that the day seems to run smoother. I've been searching for a decent, used treadmill or a cheap new one for home. I just feel more comfortable working out at home- it doesn't take time out of my schedule to travel to the rec either. I miss having a treadmill in the house so I plan to do something about that, as soon as possible.

This resolution is more than just dieting and exercising to lose weight- it's a change to my lifestyle in order to feel better and be healthier. My body has lost it's ability to work smoothly. The fact that I am capable of bringing that back is not lost on me, and I want to do something about it. As much as I'd like to have an exterior motivation, I must manage to do this on my own, for me! I'm hoping that by putting it in writing, I can keep myself accountable. I counted my caloric intake for the day and realize that has gotten comfortably higher as well. I need to drop in reasonable amounts until I'm back to the recommended for my height, age, and desired weight!

Wish me luck! I'm very excited (sitting here writing about it at least)!!!