~Stir- Crazy and Ultimately . . . Confused~

Maybe I'm portraying weakness in mind and maturity by admitting that I have a very hard time viewing others successes as I'm struggling to attain mine, but as of late, that's how I've been feeling, especially when the successor is far younger than I am. I know that I should be a bigger person than that. I should be 100% genuine in wishing the best for everyone who strives for excellence and works towards a particular goal! I do honestly feel that those who work hard, deserve greatness. I guess in saying that, I'm feeling fairly neglected in being offered my token of "greatness". I tend to delve deep into thought (and far into over-analyzation) about what I am doing to ward off the "gods of prosperity". I wonder, is my subconcious working against me? Am I trying to tell myself something? Am I somehow holding myself back from achieving those goals I set for myself so long ago? In pondering the answers that come to mind from these questions, I remember back to what I was like as a child and how I viewed myself and who I thought I would become. I loved to be around animals and children. I always knew that in one way or another I wanted to be working with the innocents- those who depend on others for comfort and nourishment. Some of my fondest memories were of taking care of the farm cats and their large volumes of offspring. I remember begging my mom and dad for a puppy. I used to drag my poor pound puppy, Brownie, around on a leash and pretend he was eating out of dishes I drew out for him in the hopes that my parents would get the hint and give in. Well, they kind of did. We took a trip shortly after to pick out my very own kitten, Crystal. Regardless of how she turned out (I'd digress too far off topic in attempts to explain that one), I still was very fond of kittens, puppies, babies, the elderly, etc. Throughout grade school I practiced spelling the word "veternarian" so as to keep from embarrassing myself when writing the answer to "what do you want to be when you grow up?". High school experiences and pressures caused me to jump around in answers to the afore mentioned question though. I became extremely confused and therefore felt lost. I couldn't define myself. I wasn't able to pinpoint why I was placed here or what it was that I was to accomplish in life. I still feel like I can't fully answer these questions. I'm nearing an age though that I should really have a better grasp on these answers then I do. That scares me. The fact that I have been unable to attain an Early Childhood classroom keeps me asking, "why am I here?", and "what am I missing?". Ultimately, I am at a point in life where I am totally stir-crazy and waiting for a change of some sort! I'm striving to create the change I need but have been undergoing the thought process far more than partaking in the action necessary to encourage my thoughts' development. Simply speaking, I need to do. I need to determine how to do.