Lost in Loss

I'm missing Alison so much today. I get like this now and then. I get so angry about it that it can be so emotionally consuming. There are no words to express how her life and being touched people. She was one in a million. I hope that she looks down smiling and is proud of who I am. I don't quite get why everyone who has meant something in my life, as well as my siblings and family, have passed. I know that it's not healthy to be so angry about it from time to time, but I can't help but feel that way. I am trying to understand- I know that life is not, and never will be, fair. I know that life is what you make of it. Obviously, after so many losses in my life, I am well aware that life in itself is short. I need to remember this more. I need to relax more. I need to open up and figure out what the heck I want out of being here. Teaching has added a huge new dimension to my life. It really has opened up my heart more. But, I still feel like I'm just not making the most out of myself or my time. I'm feeling meloncholy lately. I know that doesn't help matters.