Anxious as of Late . . .

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."

~Buddha

As much as I love having the summer off, I'm finding that since the 4th of July came to an end, I'm beginning to feel anxious about the upcoming school year. Kevin laughs (in a seemingly knowing way) at my over-analyzation and needless worry. What can I say? That's something I have always done and will, more than likely, continue to do. I think I'm too hard on myself and strive too hard for perfection in performance. I wish I could channel that motivation to a more personal, self-improving focus. I don't feel that I acknowledge my well-being, emotional or physical health as of late. I know how great it feels to be centered in mind and body. I have experienced it in the past and gloried in the self-confidence it brings forth. Unfortunately I feel (and I may be far off point here) that I unknowingly self-soothe through loathing myself. Does that make sense? Like self-sabotage because you aren't totally convinced that you deserve the end result you were after? It's not like I do this with everything. I feel that I am very professional, effective, and sincere when it comes to my students. Of course, during the school year I feel as though I have more purpose. I've concluded that's the gist of my summer blues. I don't do well when I'm in idle mode! I went through a similar experience right after I graduated from Walsh. I was without school work or a job for about a month. Ahh. Misery. For Kevin and myself. I went from having nothing to do- to working three jobs!  Purpose. Everyone wants to feel as though they were intended to fulfill some purpose.

I am thankful for Radar this summer and for the future summers we will have together. (I know, corny, right?) He's the tiny being that needs me right now. Maybe not in the same sense as my students or a human baby, but he looks for me and relies on me for survival. I'm thankful for the opportunity to have a dog companion once again. I love the puppy stage he is currently in but am also really looking forward to the grown dog he will be. I can't wait to take him on walks and go together to the dog park. I've always loved animals. Life means the most and is the best when one is surrounded by animals and children. My goal is to RELAX and ENJOY the remainder of my summer- and to put my anxiousness aside. The upcoming year will be a great one!

The New Addition, Radar :)

Radar (Walter O'Reilly)

The newest, sweetest addition!

Born May 7th, 2010

Labrador Retreiver

Faith, Hope, and Love . .

"It's been one of those mornings that's gonna last all day." ~ Miranda Lambert
And maybe one of those years that stretches to its fullest.

God grant us the peace of mind we are looking for. There are moments when "quiet faith" is simply not enough. There are times when one needs to tap a little deeper into purpose, drive, motivation, love, and this life- all the while making it widely known to others. I am searching ways in which to display my faith in a more outwardly way while remaining just as genuine. For some reason I take my faith, my religious beliefs very personally. I shelter them- and isn't that we are taught NOT to do. Lately though, I am finding that because I keep my thoughts so inward, I'm beginning to ignore them myself. I have the luxary of teaching young students the importance of Jesus, God, Mary, Joseph but also, I have the honor of helping their little hearts stay open to the Higher Good, the unexplained, and dearly needed presence in our lives. I think their honest, newly formed opinions stike gold more than any of the other "seasoned" opinions I've heard in the past. I can't even begin to express how much good this has done for me over the past school year. It has been reminiscent of my elementary school days as well as fulfilling in the "teacher-minded" part of me.  I value the Catholic school education that is still hanging on in our society. This past year, my very FIRST year of teaching, will forever be a memory and be a HUGE part of my past. It makes me emotional because it's such a humbling feeling. I don't know that I even know quite how to explain it really.

I guess that overall, I feel so lucky and blessed in life, regardless of the hardships that come along like speed bumps temporarily slowing you/me/us down. I'm putting my future, my success, my well-being into God's hands as of right now. "Circle of Protection" as I've learned to reference it as. Not everything is within my control. Faith that God is guiding us. Hope that it doesn't destroy. Love that makes it worthwhile.

Every little thing . . .

. . . adds up.
. . . counts.
. . . makes a difference.
. . . drives me crazy.

Whichever one fits the moment- or maybe more than one or all fit at the moment. It's hard to be sure. I wish I could fully express certain feelings but unfortunately, the time and place isn't always appropriate.

Attempting to Be Gracious, Even if it KILLS ME!

Well with the addition of a TEMPORARY house guest, I am doing my best to adapt and make open my home. It is sooo hard though when you have a routine that is comfortable and familiar. Now I have to adjust even the simplest of things because of an extra in the house- things like dinner preparation, timing of that preparation, additional groceries, and now laundry???!!! I am not at all thrilled about any of it, especially the laundry. I don't care to do laundry in the first place, for myself or Kevin. I'm constantly amazed at how much laundry he can create for one person in a week. (He swears he only wears one changing of clothes a day! But forgets that he wears like four and five layers right now because of the weather!!!) But to have this person ask me to do his laundry . . I don't know...I really don't. One second I feel like I'm being a horrible person. I mean, why can't I sympathize and be a genuinely concerned friend? Why can't I be more open and gracious about my things and my home? I don't feel like I'm being a good person at all and then I think that- wait, I deserve some happiness and comfort too, right? Why should I keep taking on more? I don't need any extras in my day or schedule that's for sure! AAHH, I don't know what's right anymore. I honestly don't. Sometimes I wish it were just me in my own little world. I wouldn't have to worry about anyone else's laundry, dinner, feelings, attitudes . . . the list goes on......

Personal Thoughts on the Existence of Facebook

"I think that the creation of technology, and Facebook specifically, has opened up wonderful means of communication but also created the potential for people to express their "right to free speech" without realizing how class-less it makes them appear."

Defensive and Offensive Ignorance

The other day I encountered a situation in which a Facebook "friend" posted a comment that I felt inappropriately mentioned school names in a context that was far from positive. This particular post was centered on the topic of bullying. I couldn't understand why the topic of bullying required an actual school setting. The worst of it was that this "friend" was sharing this story which he had heard from a person of authority dealing with the situation. Talk about crossing lines of privacy! The schools hadn't even been notified yet of the issue and he was putting shared information up publically! Usually when it comes to this person's posts, I mutter something to Kevin or vent about it to someone but don't actually comment my feelings. You'd understand better if you heard all of the stories, but I'd digress way too far off topic to attempt that one! Anyways, this time I had personal vested interest in the matter and therefore, I posted my thoughts! I was simply tired of this busy-body posting personal things about others' lives in order to feel important and apart of anything! I didn't say it meanly though. I just said that this wasn't a public matter. Whew- let me tell you! That opened a bag of worms! This other "friend" of his (who I don't know) totally went crazy with her own feelings and was extremely defensive. I thought everyone knew that people can lose jobs and get into serious trouble for what is posted online, such as on Facebook!!!! What is so hard to understand about it? This person could have easily (and almost did) get his friend fired for posting inside knowledge!

And then just recently, I encountered another instance where someone else posted a response to a photo on Facebook about me. The funny thing is- I wasn't even in the picture! Let's just say that the comment was far from complimentary- and very unnecessary! And as far as I'm concerned, unprovoked. Now I don't claim to be a perfect person. I never have. But I can never recall a time where I have ever slandered someone on a public forum in the manner as I have been. Especially since this person is neither a personal friend or someone I see very often. Simply a young, twenty-something female who has a poor attitude and is used to running the show in her daily life. She's one of those people who goes through cycles with who she's going to have an issue with. She knows she's nasty and full of bad attitude. The problem is she knows and thinks that it is flattering. Not quite sure about that but hey, it apparently works for her. It doesn't work for me though. I'm not okay with being talked about so disrespectfully, especially since I hadn't done anything to create the animosity. And I honestly would say if I had done something to contribute to the situation. I always own up to my faults- it's the only way to make things better in the future. The only remark I can make on this one is that she's one of those people who you think so little of and who never crosses your mind- that it's not worth taking offense to.

I guess there are certain people in my life who just aren't used to me commanding respect or speaking up instead of being the silent back drop. How does one make this transition though? No one is taking it well. I'm not out to be a total, call-it-like-it-is *itch. That's not me. I simply am tired of being treated disrespectfully. I've been told that in order to get what you are after, you have to say something. You have to command that it happen. Any suggestions?